i don't know who or what to tell
sex sells
i am inadequacy, as in i feel like there is no reason for you to want my company, that i am not what other people can be, with me you don't get the best of both worlds, maybe i am so attainable and that makes me unattractive, i feel like beauty is something that should be effortless and should come from laughing and talking rather than touching and seeing. that is not real life.
art can only get you so far, but it is why i am a human and not an animal. i feel smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller every day until i will just one day be a speck or a blemish in your memory somewhere and when you find me you will just be annoyed, annoyed like you get annoyed when you spill ink on a drawing where there should be none or annoyed like when you find yourself downstairs to get something and can't begin to remember why you're there. just come back.
do you think about me now and then?
i can't deal with my constant shift of perspective
maybe it fuels things that are good but it hurts
every day is all that will be good enough for me
tired of myself and i'm tired of this town
i feel like it is i who is the escape artist.
planning thinking scheming dreaming
never sleep
sometimes i forget that you are perfect.
love is still something i can't grasp but maybe i get it
racism
i guess some people will put off that they are indifferent to anyone, to anything, indifferent to feelings or indifferent to conventions and i find it is those people who care the most.
they are the most heartfelt or the most conceited people.
we can just see right through people
i have gone against every bone in my body to give so many people the benefit of the doubt. they've never deserved it and never will
but the people who are warm will always be warm.
good god
my heart dropped with the altitude, here is dead and small to me. but it's small in a different way, it makes me feel small and there's less to feed off. some places make me manic but at home i am just out of steam. now i will just move in and make it mine because it's the only thing that will make me feel okay. i like how the past five days revolved around important things like food and music and movies and art and walking and hours and people and pictures instead of... whatever the essence of our being is here.
"hello, ms. maguire"
seeing you, it was one minute but i forgot that you are everything i can't find, anywhere. you should be more confusing than you are confused but instead i just feel comfortable and close and everything else that usually makes me step back just a little bit.
& you,
you just draw a blank.
cap
i just dipped into your lifestyle and i hate it, i thought you might like to know.
you measure things in years, i can't. too much happens too quickly, and my life is not my life anymore if i think about it too much.
the less i think, the more i can believe otherwise.
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