noose

this all has taken a life of it's own
it's like when i had that dream you ran away
there is so much, it's so hard for me. but harder for you, always. i am just glad there is snow and i still hope so much that you have a window.

"hi"

who are you?
it's silly, but ... i need to know.

stab

you and your dirty words to prove that you are only what you claim to be.

green

i know what your backyard looked like when you were little. it was on the other side of the ocean but i know it was happy, and green. maybe you lived on top of a hill, and the heat was dry and the flowers were beautiful. not because anyone planted them and took care of them, but just because wherever you walk there is something beautiful even if it's just a smell or a thought.
my backyard just went on forever, and at the end there was a tree and a swing. or maybe lots of trees. i don't remember.

power's out

my house is getting colder and my fridge is getting warmer
i just want you to stick to me or stick to your word like you used to.
you have the only real sadness and i hate november


a million hours left to think of you and think of that
and it's taking over my entire life. and you can't know.

lost together

and i wonder why i bother
i've heard it all so many times before
it's all a dream to me now,
a dream to me now
and if we're lost,
then we are lost together

look for me another day, i feel that i can change.

"a good man is hard to find"
i found you but now you are so far away
i wish i could change something. me, or you, or anything. i try, always, i will try even harder.
maybe it's just that i feel like i will try and then i lose everything in the moment, everything is lost between me and my mouth.

decay

i want to live in a house by myself or with you but then i realized that they are both the same thing. i want to live in a house with you.

wasting away

oh laughing man, what have you done

you don't know what a bad week is.
you think you do, but you don't.
but one day, you will have a bad week, a terrible one. and if you're lucky it will only be one week. not 6-12.
now i don't need food or sleep or all those things i used to think i needed, just you.

she asked me if life has returned to normal, but it was never normal in the first place
and won't be until we can just watch a movie or eat a sandwich

blank

now i am the one who wants to die.
i want to die i want to die
we can't die, we can't die
help me.

with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied

and the complications you could do without
when i kissed you on the mouth



i am antsy my legs want to do things like run around and the rest of me have no intentions of doing so. i miss long days with you when all we do is eat and walk and eat and lie down. maybe there will be one soon. maybe it will snow even more and we will walk in the white and complain about it but secretly enjoy it. i expected this to happen, but later. it makes me happy and sad but everything is glossy and i keep my mind occupied with things that seem important but are not. and all the meanwhile i am coming closer to people i would have never expected... but then again, everyone who is close i would have never expected.