you are so poisonous and if you don't believe me then you should have seen just what you can do.
you won't ever, ever be happy and now i feel like i should stop trying. i know i should.
but the big picture is not even a big picture at all, i just think of my life as being made up of drawings and seasons and smells and paintings and words and smiles and strangers and bikes or calculus, a cold wind, cold feet, you warmed my hands, selfishness and frustration, and laughing, not knowing whats wrong with everything or anything, serene, chaos, tea or coffee or anything that is warm, like a fireplace or the people that are the best to me. that's how things are.
oh, and snow.
soon forgotten
i feel you in my heart
this is what i think of you, this is how i think of you
& in between then and now
the rain has left and the sky went from grey to blue
or hopeful
charmed life
put it all on but you know we know you are just like us.
i wish people could just tell everything how it is or realize practicality trumps all your disillusionment and unreality.
i hate that you think i even care, or maybe i just hate how you will never realize the waves you create with everything you do. i can and i do take care of myself and i will not let you take the credit for that.
and it's always you; i promise i don't take for granted you who have been saving my life every single time, and i still don't know why you do.
but now maybe i'm not angry i just have taken a liking to lying in my bed to think or pretend to nap
seven swans
the whole way there i planned to be mad at you but you have a quality about you that makes it so i can't think if you as a person but only more as tv set, maybe. so i couldn't do it. i can only be angry with real people.
lately i am into over-thinking certain things or people, i can only hope they are all what they seem or what i have made them to be which is unfair. i don't know how to draw you, because i have nothing.
five
they met in a hurricane, standing in the shelter out of the rain
she tucked a note into his hand.
later on they took his car drove on down where the beaches are, he wrote her name in the sand
never even let go of her hand
somehow they stayed that way for those five days in may made all the stars around them shine
funny how you can look in vain, living on nerves and such sweet pain - the loneliness that cuts so fine
to find the face you've seen a thousand times
what the surgeon said
1. no, no, you are not only nice. i need nice i am nice she's nice nice nice but you are also beautiful wonderful funny, you are thoughtful and considerate and warm and a shoulder to cry on even though i don't cry and someone to laugh with and someone to sit with and someone to grow up with and someone to grow old with, and by grow old i mean let's be old ladies and still laugh and cry and you will still be wonderful and i will still not say things properly. you are worthy of anything good and everything good. nice is not everything like you are everything.
2. i don't ever feel like this about anything. and then i don't even know if you feel.
3. you're quiet, maybe, but everything you say is perfect and everything you do is even better.
i'll stray
is wanting you like wanting me? i have nothing, nothing tangible and you are nothing to me only because i am nothing to you. it's not easy until you make it easy, it's not real until you make it real, i can tell myself forever and always but i need to see your face so you know what i really mean. i will wait for you while you wait, not for me. i can't say it or write it, i wish i could or i wish i could draw it or make it and hold it and give it to you and put it in the palm of your hand.
if you have a part of me will you take your time
unfamiliar land
i know this is just a temporary high and i am ecstatic just for now. clichés will tell you your whole life that you don't need things to be happy and they are clichés but they are also true. i have never been happy at this time of year, and things fall into place now and even when they fall out of place, everything else doesn't break too. i forgot what happy is like, and it kills me to hear you so, so down and i'd give every time i giggled today to you.
mysteries
1. i promised you you are the best person ever and you are.
2. i love you. you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. i wish you could be completely happy... i know it will never happen because you can't be.
3. you are amazing and i think of you as ...not necessarily my opposite, you are just everything i can't be.
4. i don't show enough appreciation for you. i can't, it's hard, but you do mean a lot to me, almost more than anyone. i would say you mean the world to me but nothing means the world to me. i'm sorry.
5. you are a terrible person, i think. but i still find so much comfort in you.
6. you scare me. you really do - not an intimidating sort of scare, but i get a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach being around you. i can't stand it and i can't stand you.
7. i don't know what you are to me, but i know it is a lot. we should be doomed but i never feel that we are... but you are so hard to crack.
8. you are adorable and wonderful and i'm scared to hurt you. i don't feel like i could hurt anyone but you and it scares me half to death.
9. you, you, you. there is something about you, you are wonderful but you are so dark and you are so intense, and your sense of humor is perfect but i can't even begin to decipher what on earth i could mean to you.
10. i wish i had gotten to know you more. you have always been two-dimensional to me, but even after two hours i realized really you are just the saddest boy in the whole world and you never said a word about it.
my body is a cage
erase it erase it erase it
everything is immobile and 10 months will never happen fast enough and
i feel like i will forget you.
it's secretly raining and i believe in pathetic fallacy.
a million years ago
it's hard to keep track of time using words. i can take a thousand pictures but i can't even write one paragraph to describe summer and why i feel like i do now. except that i realize now that
it is never about how i feel or why i feel, it never will be. sometimes i think you think i am the greatest only because i am reassurance to your place and exsistence and you will never, ever realize it.
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