dawn of the not dead

let's get the material things out of the way: i wish i worked in a clothing store and suddenly i like expensive jewelry.

immaterial: but by immaterial i don't mean things that are insignificant, i mean things that are too significant, the things that you have but can't quite put your finger on. yes, i really like the way you look but what i like more is the way you look and me and what you give and share without even lifting a finger. i hope you wake up from your dream soon, i don't like zombies either.

i took something and it feels like karate

syntax

there are only two windows here, both facing west, so that you barely know it's daytime until it's almost over. for a while, i thought it was summer. it was warm and there was sun and i thought it was the color of the walls or the color of my skin that made the light look grey but it was the snow and the evergreens and all the flowers that are dead and brown in the yard. alone - where are your hands? - but, see. it's funny how we can be hurt, and who knows the reason that the only place to put it is in words or on paper. there's nowhere else for it to go, maybe. you wouldn't dare say it to my face, would you? i can't say it to yours. no, i'm not bleeding but the smell of tomato paste is making me sick.

"...her eyes half-closed. There was purring. I felt content. Why does it give so much comfort to be responsible for someone's sleep? We all - don't we? - want creatures sleeping in our homes while we walk about, turning off lights. I wanted this now."

i just love to say i called you

real life:
sick as a dog
20 hours of sleep, yeah!
hip hop
my brain is dead
"gettin' physical"
clothes (hate to say it)
tea & bread
russia

each coming night/day

what am i even saying?
actually,
that's the wrong question to ask. what am i getting at?

i'm only asking because right now, everything is seamless & possible
still questioning my ability to make anything tangible

dreamt

"you are so beautiful."

shark tonight

everything i never end up doing, or saying
i think the current times are set in stone and then nostalgia will pop out of nowhere (no looking forward, though. looking forward means being hopeful and we all know what that is like)
backwards is unsettling but comfortable. i know how it ends but sometimes forget how it all happened. so much.... and look where i am, nowhere really. good thing we can daydream pretend everything or nothing happens.

what i really mean is mostly everything sucks. i hate the word rut but a hole would be too deep
someone make music with me

olive

change is good, right, or
i crave excitement and it is handed to me on a plate mixed in with little bit of bad intentions and a little more wine and i stay inside this will turn in to a cave before long
are you different or can i just see things that were transparent to me before

she had no heart so hardened

bathing in bleach, the fact that you can't stand to be near me, even.
(and i will hang my head, hang my head low)

lexicon of the future

too much to do, books money coffee pictures fleasmarkets pack pack ski ski run jump music read write paint write smile write relax read homework(communism capitalism socialism anarchy!) read library coffee close hold music piano guitars books strangers friends coffee phone clothes talk talk wish waste


..sleep, maybe

i like them drunk: a three part composition

gaps in my days, they are holes, glitches in space-time might explain it if nothing else does. i forget everything, spending so much time doing something which is nothing.
and - wait, what are you doing here? i don't care!. i am indifference. i am disinterest. i am cool, detached. passive. watch me. watch me, because i am also ridiculous, tired, and therefore irrational. this is all we have. this is sour milk, papercuts, cold dinner. missed oppourtiunity, forgetting your mother's birthday. this is everyone you've met who's name you can't remember. this is compelling in its callowness.
you know i fought, i tried but now i'll fade a bit.


advice for geraldine

to do:
-the same things we do all the time because in the daylight we do wonders.
-send you flowers because we can't forget each other.
-i have these delusions* that i could do better with you around.
-i want to need to spew breathtaking everything all over everyone. this will be a very long night.



__________
* delusion: an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument